so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
