Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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