Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
