: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
