I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
