Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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