i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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