I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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