You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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