It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
