My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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