I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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