Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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