Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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