You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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