Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
