you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
