I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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