he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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