At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
