I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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