Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
