my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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