He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
