you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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