i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
