is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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