I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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