and you said cock pushups were impossible
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
