I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
