hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
