Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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