I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
