You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
