I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
