my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
accomplished twins. life is a go
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
