i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
