so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They are going to name an STD after you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
