Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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