We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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