dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
