In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
