btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
