i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
