it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
