I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
