You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
