i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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