Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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