I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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