Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
nutella sex= disaster
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
