This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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